Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
