Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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