remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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