ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
