I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
