you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
