I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
