I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
we're so committed to being not committed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
