i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
