Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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