Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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