Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
