It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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