Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My vagina is officially offended.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
