What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
