I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
