I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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