apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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