Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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