He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
