I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
