My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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