The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
