Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
