oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
