ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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