I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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