Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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