its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize