Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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