dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
