I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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