Sober January is a disaster.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
