my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
