Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
