The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
