like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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