I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
