Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
