you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize