sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
