apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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