I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
