I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
there was a trapeze. enough said
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
