he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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