dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
