I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
