PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sext me about skeletons
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
