i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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