Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
