Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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