I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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