We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Say something about gay babies.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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