You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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