Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
