the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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