My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
