So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
