69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
