did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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