just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
