My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
