You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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