let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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