If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
