dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
