Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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