Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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