i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize