I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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