I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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