U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
